When Shooting Stars Fall: Chapter 6
06 | Stardust Trail
The sickness really
Ever since seeing the meteor shower, my condition deteriorated day by day, and my visits to the hospital became more and more frequent. Finally, I simply couldn’t even leave the hospital any more. It’s no big deal, it’s something I could have predicted way earlier on. I just didn’t expect it to be so soon.
The only thing that surprised me was that ever since the day after the meteor shower, I never once saw Xavier again. He just disappeared into thin air, with no one knowing where he went.
I tried to contact him, of course, but there was still no news of him whatsoever. One, two, three days pass, and I start to get increasingly anxious. Just as I sneak out of my room in an attempt to go look for him, despite being too weak to even leave the hospital doors, I suddenly recall that line he said to me—pursuing freedom would also be giving up freedom.
Was it because he went to watch the meteor shower with me, because he did something he wasn’t allowed to, that he ended up losing all his freedom?
I lie on the hospital bed every day, tossing and turning, continuously thinking, just like the night before we went to see the meteor shower. But the sky will not light up any quicker because of my , just like how Xavier never reappeared since.
No matter how slow-witted I may be, I can still tell, from the nurse’s expression whenever she comes into my room, the fact that I don’t have many days left. And besides, that dying heart is within my own body.
Hence, exactly one month after the meteor shower, I push myself to sneak out of the hospital, returning to that salt flat, even if it’s for that promise we made.
Besides, I have a premonition that he’ll come.
It feels so fascinating, listening to the crunching of the salt under my footsteps. The last time I came, I was clearly still able to run and jump, even though it clearly wasn’t that long ago.
I sit on the pier for a long time, even longer than that night when I watched the meteor shower with Xavier. After all, there won’t be any more chances in the future.
Just as I prepare to leave, I suddenly see a unique star reflected in the vast and empty expanse between Heaven and Earth—that star hangs on a wooden sword, swaying left and right, coming closer to me from afar.
It’s Xavier. That figure of his is running towards me.
It is only when he stops in front of me that I suddenly realize that his face and hands are covered in deep wounds. He crouches down and opens his palm. Inside lies a small Protocore that refracts brilliant radiance.
In my memories, this is the first time he’s looked at me with a gaze like this, a hint of pleading in his eyes. And it’s only when he comes closer, that I notice a ring of light clasped around his neck, blinking intermittently with a glaring, suffocating red light.
“...Was this what you got in exchange for your freedom?”
He doesn’t answer me. He just tells me that this is the Protocore that can save me, that he’s found it.
But that withering heart is still in my body. Right now, it’s like a dying candle flame, only shining for a little longer by sheer will, relying on my thoughts of Xavier.
I reach out and touch the wounds on his face, some of them having already dried up into scabs. I don’t understand. How would someone as calm and intelligent as Xavier fail to weigh the risks and benefits of such a thing, and for what reason did he dive like a moth into fire for this heart inside me that can barely hold on any longer.
“It’s already too late.” I want to touch Xavier’s neck, but my outstretched hand only manages to grab air. “Return the Protocore, then get this collar removed, alright?”
Xavier doesn’t speak, clutching that Protocore until his knuckles turn white. “You promised, we would watch the meteor shower together again.”
“We each have our own destinies, you know… Some things can’t be forced…” I reach my finger out, poking the corner of his mouth. “Cheer up, I’ll have you know that I was really happy the past month or so, okay?”
I don’t know why, but tears begin to fall the moment I finish speaking, even though I didn’t originally plan on crying.
Xavier wipes my tears away for me. The mirror-like salt lake reflects the night sky onto the ground, making , and at the same time, makes us seem so much smaller in comparison.
“...Come and chat with me.” I point at the space beside me, asking him to sit a little closer.
The light in his eyes turn a few shades darker. It is only after quite a while, that he finally loosens his tightly gripped hand, and sits beside me.
“Hey, if I didn’t have this disease….. Would you accompany me to watch the meteor showers many more times in the future?”
“Mhm.” Xavier holds me in one arm, letting me lean on his shoulder. “Not just the meteor shower, there’s also the the sun, the moon, and We’d go see them all together.”
“The rest are fine, but climbing mountains is so tiring, I don’t want to…”
“If you’re tired, you can walk slowly. If you’re tired of walking… I’ll carry you.”
Missing Content: The line above is entirely missing from the original English translation
“No matter what happens, I’ll be by your side. Even if you want to rest , I’ll wait for you.”
“Alright, then I guess I’ll just have to reluctantly… Agree…” I lean on Xavier’s shoulder, imagining a future without the disease.
Gradually, I feel like the remaining strength in my body is reaching its end, so, I can only use the last bit of my strength to raise my head and take a glance at the night sky.
“What a shame, there are no stars tonight…”
“There is.”
Then, I see him open his palm in front of me, a light glowing on it. It’s just like the one I saw in the auditorium back then, only that today’s seems even brighter.
His shooting star, it’s shining for me again.
I close my eyes, making the final wish of this lifetime in a whisper.
“I wish that I can meet you in my next life too… I wonder if it can come true this time…”
“...It will.”
He holds my hand, wrapping the back of my hand with his palm. It’s very gentle, and very warm. I nod reassuringly towards him, and suddenly feel as though Heaven is summoning my life.
My eyelids feel heavy. Then, I can’t open them anymore.
In the final moments of my life, I feel like I’m being held by someone. The surroundings are quiet, and I think I hear the sounds of stars burning in the night sky, one after another, just like a brilliant, grand meteor shower.
Within the scent reminiscent of the moonlight, that warm and gentle voice lands just next to my ears like the parabola of a shooting star—
“No matter how it takes, no matter where you are… I will find you.”
06 | Stardust Trail
The sickness really
Ever since seeing the meteor shower, my condition deteriorated day by day, and my visits to the hospital became more and more frequent. Finally, I simply couldn’t even leave the hospital any more. It’s no big deal, it’s something I could have predicted way earlier on. I just didn’t expect it to be so soon.
The only thing that surprised me was that ever since the day after the meteor shower, I never once saw Shen Xinghui again. He just disappeared into thin air, with no one knowing where he went.
I tried to contact him, of course, but there was still no news of him whatsoever. One, two, three days pass, and I start to get increasingly anxious. Just as I sneak out of my room in an attempt to go look for him, despite being too weak to even leave the hospital doors, I suddenly recall that line he said to me—pursuing freedom would also be giving up freedom.
Was it because he went to watch the meteor shower with me, because he did something he wasn’t allowed to, that he ended up losing all his freedom?
I lie on the hospital bed every day, tossing and turning, continuously thinking, just like the night before we went to see the meteor shower. But the sky will not light up any quicker because of my , just like how Shen Xinghui never reappeared since.
No matter how slow-witted I may be, I can still tell, from the nurse’s expression whenever she comes into my room, the fact that I don’t have many days left. And besides, that dying heart is within my own body.
Hence, exactly one month after the meteor shower, I push myself to sneak out of the hospital, returning to that salt flat, even if it’s for that promise we made.
Besides, I have a premonition that he’ll come.
It feels so fascinating, listening to the crunching of the salt under my footsteps. The last time I came, I was clearly still able to run and jump, even though it clearly wasn’t that long ago.
I sit on the pier for a long time, even longer than that night when I watched the meteor shower with Shen Xinghui. After all, there won’t be any more chances in the future.
Just as I prepare to leave, I suddenly see a unique star reflected in the vast and empty expanse between Heaven and Earth—that star hangs on a wooden sword, swaying left and right, coming closer to me from afar.
It’s Shen Xinghui. That figure of his is running towards me.
It is only when he stops in front of me that I suddenly realize that his face and hands are covered in deep wounds. He crouches down and opens his palm. Inside lies a small Protocore that refracts brilliant radiance.
In my memories, this is the first time he’s looked at me with a gaze like this, a hint of pleading in his eyes. And it’s only when he comes closer, that I notice a ring of light clasped around his neck, blinking intermittently with a glaring, suffocating red light.
“...Was this what you got in exchange for your freedom?”
He doesn’t answer me. He just tells me that this is the Protocore that can save me, that he’s found it.
But that withering heart is still in my body. Right now, it’s like a dying candle flame, only shining for a little longer by sheer will, relying on my thoughts of Shen Xinghui.
I reach out and touch the wounds on his face, some of them having already dried up into scabs. I don’t understand. How would someone as calm and intelligent as Shen Xinghui fail to weigh the risks and benefits of such a thing, and for what reason did he dive like a moth into fire for this heart inside me that can barely hold on any longer.
“It’s already too late.” I want to touch Shen Xinghui’s neck, but my outstretched hand only manages to grab air. “Return the Protocore, then get this collar removed, alright?”
Shen Xinghui doesn’t speak, clutching that Protocore until his knuckles turn white. “You promised, we would watch the meteor shower together again.”
“We each have our own destinies, you know… Some things can’t be forced…” I reach my finger out, poking the corner of his mouth. “Cheer up, I’ll have you know that I was really happy the past month or so, okay?”
I don’t know why, but tears begin to fall the moment I finish speaking, even though I didn’t originally plan on crying.
Shen Xinghui wipes my tears away for me. The mirror-like salt lake reflects the night sky onto the ground, making , and at the same time, makes us seem so much smaller in comparison.
“...Come and chat with me.” I point at the space beside me, asking him to sit a little closer.
The light in his eyes turn a few shades darker. It is only after quite a while, that he finally loosens his tightly gripped hand, and sits beside me.
“Hey, if I didn’t have this disease….. Would you accompany me to watch the meteor showers many more times in the future?”
“Mhm.” Shen Xinghui holds me in one arm, letting me lean on his shoulder. “Not just the meteor shower, there’s also the the sun, the moon, and We’d go see them all together.”
“The rest are fine, but climbing mountains is so tiring, I don’t want to…”
“If you’re tired, you can walk slowly. If you’re tired of walking… I’ll carry you.”
Missing Content: The line above is entirely missing from the original English translation
“No matter what happens, I’ll be by your side. Even if you want to rest , I’ll wait for you.”
“Alright, then I guess I’ll just have to reluctantly… Agree…” I lean on Shen Xinghui’s shoulder, imagining a future without the disease.
Gradually, I feel like the remaining strength in my body is reaching its end, so, I can only use the last bit of my strength to raise my head and take a glance at the night sky.
“What a shame, there are no stars tonight…”
“There is.”
Then, I see him open his palm in front of me, a light glowing on it. It’s just like the one I saw in the auditorium back then, only that today’s seems even brighter.
His shooting star, it’s shining for me again.
I close my eyes, making the final wish of this lifetime in a whisper.
“I wish that I can meet you in my next life too… I wonder if it can come true this time…”
“...It will.”
He holds my hand, wrapping the back of my hand with his palm. It’s very gentle, and very warm. I nod reassuringly towards him, and suddenly feel as though Heaven is summoning my life.
My eyelids feel heavy. Then, I can’t open them anymore.
In the final moments of my life, I feel like I’m being held by someone. The surroundings are quiet, and I think I hear the sounds of stars burning in the night sky, one after another, just like a brilliant, grand meteor shower.
Within the scent reminiscent of the moonlight, that warm and gentle voice lands just next to my ears like the parabola of a shooting star—
“No matter how it takes, no matter where you are… I will find you.”
06 | Stardust Trail
It's an awful disease.
Ever since the meteor shower, I've only gotten more ill. My trips to the hospital became more and more frequent until, one day, I simply couldn't leave. It's nothing I didn't expect. It's just I didn't expect it to be so soon.
What actually surprised me was that I never saw Xavier again. He just disappeared without a trace. No one knew where he went.
I tried to contact him, of course, but to no avail. One, two, three days pass, and I get more and more anxious. Just as I sneak out of my room, with barely enough strength to leave the hospital room, I recall what he said about how reaching for freedom is to give it up.
Did he lose his freedom when he went to watch the meteor shower with me?
I lie on the hospital bed every day, tossing and turning, deep in thought like the night before the meteor shower. But the sky doesn't light up any quicker with my dark thoughts. Likewise, no matter how much I think about Xavier, he doesn't appear.
Even if I am stupid, it's hard to miss the fact that my days are numbered. I can tell from the look on the nurse's face whenever she comes in. Besides, this withering heart is mine.
Exactly one month after the meteor shower, I force myself to sneak out of the hospital and return to the salt flat, even if it's for that promise.
I have a feeling he'll be there.
It's amazing, to hear the salt crunch beneath my feet. Despite it not being too long ago, I was able to run and jump the last time I was here.
I sit on the trestle bridge for a long time. Longer than I did on the night I watched the meteor shower with Xavier. After all, there is no next time.
Just as I prepare to leave, I see a star reflected in the distance. It hangs on the pommel of a wooden sword, swinging this way and that.
It's Xavier. He's running. To me.
He stops in front of me. It is only then that I notice the wounds on his hands and face. Catching his breath, he holds out his hand, showing me a small, glowing Protocore.
This is the first time he's looked at me with desperation in his eyes. When he moves closer, I notice a ring of light around his neck. It's a striking, suffocating red.
"...Did you exchange your freedom for this?"
He doesn't answer. He says this is the Protocore that can save me. He found it.
But this withering heart is still in me. It's a flickering candle about to go out at any moment, holding on only by my desire to see Xavier again.
I reach out and touch the wounds on his face. Some of the blood has already dried. I don't understand why Xavier, so calm and clever, would risk his life without a thought. He's willing to dive headfirst into danger for this dying heart of mine.
"It's too late." I want to to touch Xavier's neck, but I only grab air. "Return the Protocore to where you found it, all right?"
Xavier doesn't say anything. He clutches the Protocore until his knuckles turn white. "You promised we would watch the meteor shower again."
"We have our own destinies... Some things can't be forced..." I reach out and poke the corner of his mouth. "Don't be sad. I've been very happy this past month."
I don't know why, but even though I don't want to cry, tears begin to fall just as I finish speaking.
Xavier wipes them away. Around us, the mirror-like salt flat connects heaven and earth, making the sky seem so boundless. And at the same time, it makes us feel so small.
"...Talk to me." I point at the space beside me, letting him sit a little closer.
His gaze softens. After a while, he relaxes his grip on the Protocore, letting it fall to the ground, and sits beside me.
"...If I wasn't sick, would you watch the stars with me?"
"Yes." Xavier puts an arm around me, letting me lean on his shoulder. "Not just the stars. I'll show you the mountains and rivers, the sun and the moon. We'll see them together."
"Okay, but not the mountains. Hiking is a lot of work. I don't want to..."
Missing Content: Xavier says: “If you’re tired, you can walk slowly. If you’re tired of walking… I’ll carry you.”
"No matter what happens, I'll be by your side. And no matter how long you rest, I'll wait for you."
"All right, since you insist, I'll just... have to... agree..." Leaning on Xavier's shoulder and dreaming of a disease-free future makes me happy.
I feel my strength gradually disappear. I use whatever I have left to look up at the sky.
"It's a shame... There are no stars tonight..."
"There is one."
I see him hold out his hand in front of me, his palm glowing. It's like that time in the auditorium, but tonight, the light seems brighter.
His shooting star is shining for me again.
I close my eyes and whisper my final wish.
"I wish to meet you in my next life... I wonder if that will come true..."
"...It will."
He holds my hand. It's nice and warm. I nod reassuringly at him, then I feel as though someone is calling my name from above.
My eyelids feel heavy. Then, I can't open them anymore.
In the final moments of my life, I feel like I'm being held. I hear sounds similar to stars burning in the sky, one after the other, as if another brilliant, grand meteor shower has appeared.
With the scent reminiscent of the moon, a warm, gentle voice reaches my ear like a shooting star.
"No matter how many times it takes, no matter where you are... I will find you."
06 | 尾迹
真是病来如山倒。
自从上次看完了流星，我的身体状况一天不如一天，去医院的次数越来越频繁。最后，干脆连医院都不能离开了。其实这没有什么，是我早可以预料的，只是没想到那么早。
唯一的意外是，自那之后的第二天，我再也没有见过沈星回——他就这样凭空消失了，没有人知道他去了哪里。
我当然尝试过联系他，可依旧杳无音信。一天，两天，三天，我开始越来越着急。就在我偷偷跑出病房想去找他，却连医院的门都无力出去的时候，我突然想到了他之前的那句话——追求自由就是放弃自由。
他因为陪我去看流星，做了不被允许的事，而彻底失去自由了吗？
我每天躺在医院的病床上，辗转反侧地想，如同去看流星的前一夜一样。可天色不会因为我的暗祷加快亮起来的速度，正如沈星回也再没有出现。
就算再迟钝，我也能从护士姐姐进病房的脸色里读出我时日无多的消息，而且再怎么说，那颗衰竭的心也是长在我的身体里。
于是，距离流星夜正好过去的一个月之后，我强撑着从医院偷偷溜出来，重新又回到那片盐湖，哪怕是为了当初那个约定。
况且，我有预感，他会来的。
听着脚踩在盐沼上发出细碎的声响，有种很奇妙的感觉。明明之前来的时候，我还能跑和跳，明明就在没多久之前。
我在那条栈桥上坐了很长时间，比那天和沈星回一起看流星的时间还要久，毕竟以后都没有机会了。
正当我准备离开的时候，我突然看到了这片空旷的天地间，倒映出了一颗与众不同的星星——那颗星星正挂在一把木剑上，一晃一晃的，由远及近。
是沈星回。那个身影朝我跑过来。
等他驻足在我面前，我才惊觉他的脸和手上覆着深深的伤痕，他蹲下来摊开手心，里面躺着一枚小小的芯核，正折射出璀璨的光芒。
这是我记忆里，他第一次用这种眼神看向我，目光里带着些哀求。而等他靠近，我才看清有一圈光环箍在他的脖子上，正频闪着刺眼的、令人窒息的红光。
“……这是你用自由换来的吗？”
他没有回答我，只是告诉我，这是那颗可以救我的芯核，他找到了。
可是那颗衰竭的心还是长在我的身体里，它现在就像一簇将灭的烛火，靠着我对沈星回的意念，才强撑着多亮了一会儿。
我伸手摸了摸他脸上的伤口，有的已经结出了一道血痂。我不明白，这么冷静又聪明的沈星回怎么会算不出这件事的利弊，为什么要为了我身体里这颗奄奄一息的心脏飞蛾扑火。
“已经来不及了。”我想要触碰沈星回的脖子，却伸手抓了个空，“你把芯核还回去，然后把这个摘掉好不好？”
沈星回没有说话，攥着那枚芯核的指节泛起白色：“你答应过，我们会一起再看流星的。”
“人各有命嘛……有些事情不能强求的……”我伸出手指，戳了戳他的嘴角，“开心点，我这一个多月可是过得很开心哦。”
可不知道为什么，我说完这句话自己眼泪就掉了下来，本来不想哭的。
沈星回帮我擦掉眼泪。如同镜面一般的盐湖将夜空倒映在地上，天地看起来更无际了，也将我们衬得更渺小。
“……来陪我聊聊天吧。”我指了指身边的位子，让他坐近一点。
他眼里的光黯淡了几度，好一会儿，才松开紧攥着的手，坐到我旁边来。
“你说，如果我没有得这个病……你之后会不会陪我去看更多次流星？”
“嗯。”沈星回一只手搂着我，让我靠在他的肩上，“不止是流星，还有山川河流，日月星辰，我们都会去一起看的。”
“其他可以，可是爬山好累哦，我才不想呢……”
“累了就慢慢走，走累了……我就背着你。”
“不管怎样我都会在你身边，就算你想休息再久，我都等你。”
“好吧，那我就勉为其难地……答应了……”我靠在沈星回的肩膀上，畅想着没有得病后的未来。
逐渐地，我觉得自己身体里的气力已经快要耗尽了，只好用最后残余的一点点仰头看了一眼夜空——
“好可惜，今晚没有星星……”
“有的。”
然后我看见他在我眼前摊开手掌，掌心里亮起了一簇光。正如之前在那间空礼堂里我看到的，只是今天的似乎更为明亮。
他的那颗流星，又为我亮了一次。
我闭上眼，轻声做着这一生最后一次的许愿。
“希望下辈子还能认识沈星回……不知道这次能不能灵验……”
“……会的。”
他握住我的手，手掌包着我的手背，很轻，很温暖。我向他安心地点点头，忽而真的感觉到了上天对于我生命的召唤。
眼皮沉沉，而后，便再也睁不开了。
生命的最后时刻，我好像被人抱住了。周遭一片寂静，我好像又听到了星星在夜空中燃烧的声音，一束又一束，如同一场盛大而灿烂的流星雨。
月光一样的香气中，那个温和的声音像流星划过的抛物线，落在我的耳边——
“无论多少次，无论你在哪……我都会找到你。”
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